Take this coffee and shove it up your...what?

As far as I’m concerned, food should come with a set of user instructions. You know like a set of idiot guides that seem to appear on just about everything that is manufactured these days. I once read on a pack of batteries a warning label that said: (and I kid you not) ‘This product should not be taken internally’. Food, like coffee for example, should come with a similar warning ‘should not be used by complete idiots’.

I’m sorry if I offend some of my more liberal readers, but where on earth did someone come up with the idea of coffee enemas? I get this image in my head of someone drinking a cup of coffee and saying ’this tastes so good, why not see if it is even better shoved up my backside!’

From my investigations into them, coffee enemas were started about 50 years ago by people who clearly had far too much time on their hands. I picture them as having long hair, taking recreational drugs, and perhaps exploring their sexuality in new and interesting ways. Maybe trying to do all of these things meant that they felt the only way to really experience the Java was at both ends!

Whilst I’m as open minded as the next guy, I’m not going to start testing the ‘joys’ of coffee enemas just for the sake of this blog. Maybe that’s what Meatloaf meant by the words ‘I’ll do anything for love, but I won’t do that’. Another question does spring to mind, however – how on earth could you test it? Do I experiment on a variety of blends to see which will give me the best flush? Perhaps a medium roast Colombian will smooth out my stool better than a mild Costa Rica. According to http://www.enapure.com/faq.html, they have a coffee which is especially designed for using with enemas…dear God no!

For some strange reason, they suggest that you should not use instant. I can’t work out why since most of the instant coffee I’ve ever tried seems to taste like it came from someone’s backside.


“Cough and the world coughs with you…fart and you stand alone”
Trevor Griffiths, The Comedians, Act 1